4 Week Fear
- Kim Bryan
- May 24, 2020
- 2 min read
Ok, so I wrote this post LAST Sunday, but I just didn't want to jinx it, so I never published the post. Now that we are a solid week out, here it is:
Is it weird to fear tomorrow? Not the day after or today. Not yesterday. Just tomorrow.
Tomorrow will mark 4 weeks from my hospital admission for neutropenic fever. Tomorrow will also mark 8 weeks from my hospital admission for bacterial meningitis. I really want to break the cycle tomorrow.
I'm feeling pretty good though. The days leading up to each admission, I was not feeling well, so I'm not too worried. They were very traumatic experiences and totaled ten lonely days in the hospital... all during a pandemic. I don't want to do that again.
Just last week, my scar on my back finally closed up from the March 24th SCS removal surgery. I'm getting back on track to start this process again. These next two weeks will be critical to moving forward.
I saw a hematologist two weeks ago to make sure my blood work stabilized. I follow up with him this week after having what felt like 50 vials of blood drawn. I'm praying he clears me and does not require follow up.
Then, next week, I meet with an Infectious Disease (ID) doctor. This will be to clear me from the bacterial meningitis and set precautions for my next surgery, including which antibiotics to use. It took months to get an appointment with this doctor, because of COVID-19. My pain management doctor - my main guy - won't even talk surgery until I meet with an ID doc. But, there was mention of a need to wait for three months, which would be June 24th. I'm praying the ID doc clears me and we can look at a surgery this summer.
My other big hope is that I can convince the surgeon to do both surgeries on the same day. It would be easier to recover if I only have to focus on intense recovery one more time. I know it makes it a bit more complex, because I would need to be awake, knocked out, then awake again, and knocked out again for it to be done correctly, but it's still my hope.
I have a lot of big goals right now. These next two weeks are huge for me. And, I am really hoping I can get through tomorrow without being admitted into a hospital. It's funny how low the bar can be set sometimes.
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