Isolation (5 of 6)

Some of you are locked up with your families like I was and I thought that was isolation. How about being in the hospital without your best friend? How about with a life threatening condition and no one to hold your hand? Emergency surgery without kissing the ones you love? Seeing everyone through a video screen?

Everytime someone came into my room, they had very limited contact. People had to put on a yellow overcoat, mask, and gloves before they came in. One lady wore goggles and referred to herself as the brave nurse.... I'm sorry, but the nurse already in the bathroom with me - gogglefree I might add -was the brave nurse. <<insert eye roll>>

Finally, a doctor came in without fancy gear and said I don't know why they're doing all that -you're not contagious! The next day, the sign was gone. I was allowed to use real dishes again. Everything I touched before had to be thrown away by a nurse. Really? Being treated with that kind of fear is not a good feeling. It made me feel more alone because nobody wanted to be in the room with me and the ones that wanted to be in the room weren't even allowed in the hospital. There were two empty chairs by the window that just stayed empty.

The emotional toll that took on me was significant. I thought I would be fine with video chats and zoom get togethers, but it's not the same. Especially being somewhere that isn't home.

There was no comfort. I didn't know I was going there, so I didn't bring a blanket from home or stuffed animal. Thankfully, I remembered my phone charger.

I have a new lens for viewing isolation or quarantine. I have a new heart for the simplest hand being held. So much is lost through the phone. So much feeling and emotion and touch. I have never thought so long and so hard about the sense of touch, but it now is the one thing I crave most. A hug. Grabbing a finger. Pat on the shoulder. Bump of the hip.

I just want to go home.