March 24th (2 of 6)

Originally today should have been the day I got my 2nd implant installed. So in some sick irony, my first one is going to be removed today.

The day was a day of utter pain. My head hurt so badly. It felt like black and white zigzags throughout my head. I couldn't stand light or sound. I couldn't talk on the phone or text. By lunchtime, I could hardly communicate at all. I would cry out in pain until I got more pain meds.

At this point, they were using diladed every 4 hours. And that was definitely not enough. Then they upped it to double dose diladed every 2 hours. Still not enough. The pain was still making me cry out, begging for it to stop.

Then I got the news. They were definitely removing the implant. On top of all the pain, I was now emotionally devastated. The spinal cord stimulator allowed me to walk again. Just the last week I clocked about 5 miles total. I was looking forward to the next implant, not getting rid of the first. But, I can't even argue with them. I am in so much pain. If this is the only way to stop it, so be it.

I didn't even have the wits about me to be able to call my husband to tell him. Yep, with all the coronavirus, I am still alone in the hospital. I ask the nurse to call him, but luckily he just happened to call that instant. I told him I would have surgery and I would text him the time when I found out. Later, all I would send was "530".

Prior to surgery, they needed to clean me up and take some more blood. By now, I'm throwing up profusely. And wouldn't you know... that time of the month starts for me. Seriously?! I don't have enough going on?! Finally, I am ready and they get me on the gurney to take me down. The lights and sounds are so intense that I pull my hospital gown over my face and plug my ears. I may have just turned 36 yesterday, but I am looking like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum.

We stopped in front of the operating room doors. I had to sign lots of papers and pretend to listen to people. I just wanted to get inside. The double door was automatic and the clicking sound was like extra daggers to my already horrific headache. Open, close, open, close. I just them to put me to sleep already. Make it stop. Open, close, open, close. Wtf was going on? I could hear loud voices, but I couldn't make out the sounds. I came to gind out my pain management doctor had to fight to keep my surgery there and on time. The other surgeon wanted to transfer me to Ronald Reagan hospital. I might not have gotten the surgery til the next day, if that happened.

After some time, we finally made our way to the operating room. My doctor came on as a second anesthesiologist, but I know he was there to just oversee it all for me. We made eye contact and I could tell he was just as upset as I was about needing to remove the stimulator because it helps me so much. He told me I was the 2nd one he has had to remove in the 20 years he has been implanting them.

Once it was time to intubate, they had to clear the room as an extra COVID-19 precaution. I already felt so alone, and I didn't even know the surgeon. I just wanted my doctor to stay in the room, but he couldn't. I started to cry. I heard the surgeon say to turn the anesthesia up more and I don't remember anything after that...

Until I was in a small recovery room, which had to be a converted closet. It was tiny. But I had an infection and COVID-19... so I was in the closet recovery room. I looked at the clock 11:00pm. Wow. The nurse in there was so kind and funny. She helped me get ready to go back to my room. She stowed away a pudding cup under my blanket and sent me on my way. I made sure they told my husband I was ok. I ate my pudding and went to sleep.