New Life & New Meltdown (3 of 6)

I woke up early and was not in complete pain. But I was afraid. Afraid to lift my head. Afraid to sit up. Afraid to stand. Afraid my head hurt. Afraid my neck hurt. Afraid it would happen again. The last two days were such a horrible nightmare. I was afraid it would happen again.

I pushed the button on my bed to sit up. Doing ok. Lifted my head up. Still ok. Oh thank God!! I had a little headache, but after a cup of coffee and some breakfast, I felt better.

Feeling so much better put me on a natural high for the whole morning! I sat in my chair, looked out the window, talked on the phone, and started to look at my 154 text messages. I hadn't even gone tgrough a single birthday message from Monday. Catching up with friends and feeling a little more connected to the real world again.

I was able to video chat with the family. I missed them terribly. My husband played me a song on his ukelele and we sang together. In that moment, I was just so thankful to be out of pain.

It wasnt until later that afternoon, I learned about the infection. I actually had an Infectious Disease team on the case. They were working on developing the suggestions for which antiobiotic I would need to be sent home with. We just had to wait on the cultures to grow over the next couple days. And until they knew, then I had to stay in the hospital. But, at least at the end of the day, they took off the infectious risk signs for my room.

I was grateful to get information, but it was hard to get the information without holding my husband's hand. Or if I started to cry, he wasn't there to put his hand on my shoulder. He always knows just what to do to calm me down and make me feel safe. But, instead, the doctors would give me the info and just leave.

I was doing ok until they came in and told me that the infection was bacterial meningitis. They repeated to me 1,000 times that I was not contagious, nor was I before. It was all in my implanted areas, my spine, and equipment. Well, that's a relief, especially since I was cradling my baby just before I went to the hospital. But don't people die from this? Google. Nope, stop googling. Stop googling now. Shit, I could use an effing hug right now.

It was about then, that I had a meltdown. I missed my family. I missed their voices. I missed their craziness. I missed the dogs. I needed touch. Until you are completely isolated from touch, you don't realize its impact and effect. I decided it was time to go to bed early. I got too much information for one day. I put on Netflix and dozed off.