SCS Trial - Day After (5/5)

Today has been a sick kind of hell. It's as if the CRPS beast realized I had been sucking out its life force these last few days and wants a dramatic revenge. Have you ever been in so much pain that you physically threw up? Like your body just can't handle it anymore? It's a special kind of pain. A pain that doesn't stop and doesn't weaken. An ineffable pain that when you close your eyes, you see colors, not just flashes of white. That's where I was. For hours. And hours.

And pain killers don't even touch the pain. Are you with me? You kind of understand? Now imagine that while feeling like that, your son has meet the coach day for little league, the baby needs a bottle, your daughter has to get to practice, there's a basketball game at noon, and your husband has the flu. Well, shit, that's my day right now.

And I can lay in bed and scream into a pillow - already done that once or twice today - or I can truck on. I KNOW my body can handle this. It has for the last year or so. My body was given a beautiful glimpse as to what it would be like with this pain cut in half (awesome!) and now it is remembering how it was before. My pain was at this level just five days ago and I was surviving ok... my brain was just quick to forget how bad it was!

So as I have to reteach myself that this is, in fact, normal for me... forgive me if I seem lost during conversation or if I focus more on my phone than real life (game distractions really work). I will return. And when this implant gets approved and installed, I will be even better. So here's looking forward to finding my tunnel, so I can see a light somewhere.