Staying Focused on the Present

It's been a while since I have been home from my meningitis scare, but it's not over. I am feeling better, one of the two incisions is fully closed up, and I am off of the IV antibiotics. I did start new oral antibiotics and have a nurse come everyday to change my dressings. I just want this part of it all to be done.

I want to be at the next stage where infections are a faint memory and I am getting ready to implant my Spinal Cord Stimulators. From what the doctors are saying, that could be months.

I have found that it is hard to live in the present with such a desire to be in the future. I've been lucky to have reasons to redirect my vision at home. My oldest turned 13 and my baby turned 1 just in the last couple weeks. And my middles have their birthdays coming up soon, also. Because we are locked up in quarantine due to COVID-19, I have had to think outside of the box to celebrate.

Also, because of the novel coronavirus, my kids are home 24/7 and require homeschooling. My oldest just needs to be checked in on, but my first grader requires a lot of hands on work. My younger daughter will be starting kindergarten soon, so we want to make sure she is ready, as well. These daily lessons and assignments keep me focused on the here and now. Creating fun activities in between it all keeps me present. But when I step away and rest, when my body demands it, I go straight back to months out, dreaming of having both stimulators in place. I dream of going on walks and playing catch. I dream of sleep - real, uninterrupted sleep.

Staying present is a challenge, but my family has the ability to keep me here. I still require a personal vigilance and self-awareness to come back. And, in no way am I saying to stop dreaming. Dream often, dream big, but don't dream away your reality.

Writing, like this blog or a journal, is another way to stay in the now. It can allow you to focus on your dreams. Then, when you finish writing, you are subconsciously aware you have re-entered reality. Also, having your dreams documented, releases your mind of needing to hold on to them. Try writing, if only for a few minutes a day and see what happens.

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